DEEP THOUGHTS IN THE SHOWER
So yes this one came to me in the shower. Lately that is my one time during the day to focus on nothing but relaxing…but my mind is always going and last night was no exception.
So when I’m stuck or I need a break, I like watching film for inspiration. And I decided to watch Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind by Michel Gondry since it has to deal with the notions of memory and dreams and I wanted to see how the film was shot and how the story flowed, b/c it had been a while since I’d seen it. And so it’s all about these people who experience love and then heartache and decide rather than deal with the heartache to instead have the other person erased from their memory. However as the main character’s memory is beginning to be erased, he realizes he’s made a horrible mistake, b/c they take not just the bad memories, but also all the good ones. So I found myself relating to this because I have this obsession with saving everything that anyone has ever given me. So I have notes and cards and pictures from ex’s that I look at here and there. And I hope this doesn’t freak my current boyfriend out, but it’s not that I wish I was back with the other people…that’s past, it’s over, but the memories are still important to me. I feel like I would have never met him if it hadn’t been for all the other relationships and sequence of events that have happened in my life. So those memories of love past is always interesting, b/c I see how each one shaped me a little bit. From introducing me to certain music or films to the simple act of buying a bike and going riding together. Each person left a little part of them on my life and maybe it’s just a part, but it will forever remain that way. So all these thoughts of the things I had led my mind to the fact that I still need to buy that fire safe to store all my things in and then that made me think again about this dread I have with all my digital data.
I have this love/hate relationship with my computer and doing most of my work on the computer. Digital tools are great, but digital work just sucks sometimes, b/c it just doesn’t feel real. I work and work and work and I get a file that’s a few minutes long to show for it. A file that could get erased or corrupted or lost or whatever. But I suppose that physical objects can get destroyed and lost, etc…and at least with digital media you can make copies, but still it feels different to me. So perhaps that’s why I like the pre production process the best because you can track it and you can see how things lead into the other.
I’m fascinated with life and how each event and each major person in your life influences where you go and where you end up. Even this name the supersparkle relied on so many events to happen in order for it to be created. The most pivotal all came down to this one semester where I was going to take a break from animation and signed up for another studio, but somehow ran into someone that first day of class and they mentioned that the animation studio was going to be learning maya and I decided to switch and that changed the course of everything.
So maybe through my stories I hope to make people think about things a different way. To value life and stories and the world around them and start thinking of warys to backup and document. We live in this world where digital has taken over almost everything. Snail mail is replaced by email, even most bills are paid online now, meeting in person is replaced with instant messaging, photos are all stored on tiny cards and since you can take millions of them it’s too expensive to print them all, so they just sit on a disk somewhere. It’s a weird time…almost bittersweet like a lost love. That love shaped you and left an impression on you. You shared moments that can never be repeated. They are forever frozen in time and perhaps the only way you even know they truly happened is the fact that you have a memory and you know the other person does too.
So I realize I’m in this constant battle of fighting for permanance and finding a way to preseve and maybe that’s what freaks me out, maybe it’s my wish that my experiences will live on past me.
It’s like what they say with dreams and how you can remember them by documenting them as soon as you wake up. Well I’m a super deep sleeper. It takes two alarms set 15 minutes apart approx to wake me up. I have my cel phone which has an automatic snooze that resets itself every 9 minutes and then a regular alarm clock that’s across the room. Well if I just set the alarm clock what happens, or at least what I assume happens is that I get up, walk across the room, turn off the clock, get back into bed and then I wake up and it’s way late and I dont’ remember what happened. So with the 2 alarm set up, I sleep through the first phone alarm, it resets itself, I kinda hear the second one, but sometimes set it to snooze in my sleep and then the third one goes off across the room, and by that time usually I’m awake enough to stay awake…although there has been the occasional time that things go wrong and either I forget to set the second alarm clock or I didn’t give myself enough sleep for the night and I sleep through all of them and turn off my phone one accidentally….anyway I said all that to say I can never remember any dreams, but when I do wake up from a dream now I’ll try to write it down because then I can look back and remember it.
People are not meant to exist alone. We wong to share our experiences so that our time is validated.
If something happens and it only exists in our minds how can we be sure it even happened. When two people experience it however they can relate to the other. The share a moment in time never again to be repeated or duplicated exactly.
Perhaps I dozed off a little here, because the next thing I wrote was ‘The imperfection’?
Then I go on…Digital world changes this. Imperfection can be erased, edited, manipulated. What ever happened to the beauty in the imperfections.
I often think what would happen to us if all our data was wiped out. Don’t tell anyone, but secretly I kinda wish this. Woudl everything stop? No, but we’d be forced to return to the early forms of communication. Verbally telling people…and here’s where it ends, because I fell asleep. I will end this posting by saying that I write in pencil now, because too many times I’ve woken up to find I fell asleep with my highlighter uncapped and I’ve rolled over onto it and through the nite it released all its ink into a nice bright patch onto my pajamas and through the sheets and the mattress cover…it’s ridiculous i know.